In spite of the fact that the institution of marriage has long history and very ancient tradition we can see an increasing amount of people deliberately choose to stay single, especially in a modern western society. Marriage is in a decline and singlehood is rising. We can see a worldwide increase in people living alone which was not typical before the modern age. The singlehood however no any longer is an adversity. Many people enjoy singlehood, and living in marriage today isn’t necessarily a happier, healthier, and more integrated life. The number of divorces is also increasing, and the number of cardiovascular diseases can be observed in married people, caused by chronic stress, relating financial and romantic expectations. Why doesn’t marriage pay more for young men?
Why the marriage doesn’t make sense anymore?
The reasons might be: Most times it is the woman who initiates divorce, 80% of the cases. The desire for divorce has been classified as harmful effect of immorality, but in our present days there’s nothing any unusual about getting divorce. Men Going Their Own Way is a philosophy of self-defense for men. Those men who follow this philosophy decide to not to get into marriage or relationsip with women, and very often break up with society altogether. Laws of almost all countries in the West ideologically prefer favoring women. Not because they are right, but just because they are women. If you are for instance a divorced woman, you don’t have to pay alimony for your former husband. But this isn’t a case if you are a divorced man. You as a woman can abort your unborn offspring without a consent of its father, after birth, you can leave the baby on the fire department stairs either or in the hospital door. No one will be held responsible for this. As woman you don’t have to face persecution for abandoning your child, if his or her life is not threatened. You can put your child in public care at any time without having to pay even a single cent for his or her care, education, and upbringing. But for a man everything is fundamentally different. You are obligated by law as a man to finance your child and even the mother. Merely just because you are a man. Men lose the custody of their child in more than 80% of cases.
Assaults of domestic violence accused men are considered guilty. If you are a woman just enough to report a rape attempt at the police, without requiring any evidence, if you are a man in wrong time and wrong place you have to face a long jail sentence as innocent for fake report, which woman never has to face, even as result of admitting the crime of fake report. If the men fail to prove their innocence, their entire life is ruined. Society demands equality of genders, but again, that’s only limited to favoring women, for instance equal pay. But the hypocrisy manifests with not sharing equal responsibility, in splitting the bills. So women put nothing on the table besides sex. Why is the marriage for? Why we as men should risk our entire life, career, savings, even freedom? For merely illusion of happiness, health, and free sex?
There is one fundamental difference between the archaic and modern marriage, the arhaic one had a solid purpose, keeping stable the social hierarchy based on heritage. In contrast the purpose of the modern marriage if there is any, the happiness. The problem with happiness that it’s subjective and can’t be a purpose at any way. The happiness is only a side effect of purpose. Nothing can be built on chasing happiness. Because of this reason, the general happiness can’t be a legitimate argument for marriage even if the marriage can make anyone really happy. Because it’s self-serving. However there is no any evidence for the marriage can increase happiness for a long term. That’s undoubtedly true that the marriage can increase happiness for a short term, what, however, is not talked about is that the sudden increase in happiness slowly falls back to the starting point over the years, with decreasing dopamine level, and passing romantic love. While the love is gone, the daily problems still remain you must cope with. And if the whole marriage is built on chasing happiness only, due to lack of same interest, value system, level of IQ, a life drained, burnt out couple left behind who are strangers to each other.
Since the partner no longer delivers the demanded feeling by releasing dopamine that necessary to maintain general happiness, he or she gets dumped for a brand new partner, who is able to fulfill this need. And why, in the absence of self-knowledge, the problem is given, each party ends up with changing partners over and over again. Because they have no purpose, but chasing happiness, considering a partner as source of happiness. In fact so many people fall in love with love itself. Since the partner is only a tool to achieve this feeling, the couples tend to treat each other as product. They cheat on each other, dump each other, and break up with each other. And the ugliest part, they blame each other. My product fails to refill the general happiness, I want a new one. Like an Al Bundy syndrome, which shows a sex starved marriage, which is absurd by the way, because it’s logically impossible that the woman wants more sex than man. This is why modern psychology places as much emphasis on a well-functioning sex life as it does on the criterion of a well-functioning marriage. But it doesn’t. There is no evidence that sex alone makes a marriage well functioning. Moreover, plenty of white marriages (sex free marriage) work much better, where the parties remain loyal to each other until their deaths. We know many such examples from history. But those marriages were all archaic, means based not on chasing happiness. In well functioning marriage no one claims authority over another, because the God is an author. Not all archaic marriage functioned well indeed, but they had much better chance to function well than the vast majority of modern marriages for the reasons mentioned above.
Since our society does not want us to be anything but consumers, it means consuming our fellow human being as well. In consumer society everything is made for throwing away, and constant replacing. Everyone as everything is expendable and dispensable. The whole system is designed for short term and superficial human connections and relationships. The legal and court system, lawyers, politicians, movies, dating sites, even wedding planners have a same purpose, provoking as many divorces as possible by encouraging females, and making us jumping from partner to partner. We are made believe, everything is okay with it, because the purpose of marriage is our happiness. The marriage is a piece of paper only. This is a lie. The marriage is a different mindset, and should be a commitment. Because of this finding partners and breaking up with are nowadays incredibly easy, but finding high value partner becomes more and more difficult. High value, charismatic, highly intelligent man never lets himself be trapped.
Before the modern age the marriage had one purpose, which was ensuring the continuity of the family bloodline. The family bloodline connected the ancestors with the descendants. For this reason the marriage in most cases was pre arranged, as it is in our present days in many countries outside of the western world. Everyone was directly connected to this bloodline in the family. Everything that would jeopardize this family bloodline and the whole social structure as divorce, sexual life outside and before marriage, badly conceived was taboo, and stigmatized, outcast, wasn’t even tolerated. Individual interests weren’t considered. Whores weren’t tolerated. The women were under strict family control, but the men as well. Everyone was a subordinate of the continuity of the family bloodline. In the age of nuclear families today, this bond does not exist anymore. Choosing sexual partner is totally up to individual preferences, which provides more freedom for individual, but would require more responsibility either, seemingly. Because in the modern age, nothing is what it seems. Women are saved from the harmful consequences of their decisions by the western court system, and welfare state. This alone produces even more irresponsible behaviours. And the men, well, will be deprived of their freedom, which is an illusion.
What is the point of marriage nowadays?
I can say, the purpose of all marriages either modern or traditional should be the child. The child has no choice. The child does not choose his parents and living conditions. The child is a completely vulnerable victim of all parental decisions. The child does not care your happiness or satisfying sexual life. The child needs an authentic father and a caring mother. Sacrificing the future of child for happiness is immoral at every possible level. Depriving a child of who he looks up to, and who is good to him, and placing him under the guardianship of strangers is morally condemnable. Choosing sexual partner not as a parent of the future child is similarly immoral, and irresponsible. These happen on regular basis, because the individual ‘happiness’ only that really matters. The purpose of the marriage is NOT the happiness, but a child, who is a potential adult. The purpose is producing, and raising a full-fledged adult, man or woman, who is capable to fulfill the criteria of adulthood and living a meaningful life. This is the marriage for. This requires sacrifices, which is the short term happiness and passing joy in most cases. Those who do not marry in the best interests of the child, shouldn’t get married. Because the child sees the harm, who doesn’t deserve it. Following the MGTOW movement is not a worst choice, the irresponsible marriage is.
The (sexual) union, then, of male and female for the purpose of procreation is the natural good of marriage. But he makes a bad use of this good (Sexual union) who uses it bestially, (As part of man’s primal or base instincts aka “The Evil Urge”) This is speaking so that his intention is on the gratification of lust, instead of (being solely upon) the desire of (creating) offspring.
St, Augustine On Marriage and Concupiscence book 1 chapter 3
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